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Sunday, June 14, 2009 12:02 AM
I dont even know if i understand myself.
I dont even know the real me at all.
Often i find myself comforting people when they are sad,
but why cant i apply the same tactic and comfort myself?
I always tell myself i have to strong and yes i did it superficially
in front of everyone. But honestly i am not.
The reason why i dont let everything out is because to me
some things are better left in secret for good.
I mean i often wanna tell someone about everything,
but i always feel that why i should i burden the other party with MY problem.
They have their own problems to settle.
Many might think they know me. I protrayed myself as little miss sunshine to
almost everyone. But am i really one? I myself do not know.
Am i one just to protect myself and hide everything from everyone.
I really do not know. I just know that at times i am really exhausted being one
and really want someone who i can let everything out.
But for some reason I always stopped myself being afraid of letting others know
everything. I do not have the courage to. As much as i tell myself i have to be strong,
I can't. Whenever i am face with a new poblem, I cowardly try to avoid it thinking if i run away from it,everything is going to be okay.
I really want a new life. But somehow i am really scare.
I am really scare to face up to all the reality.
I am really scare that i do not have enough courage and strength to
settle everything. I am really very scare that all of my fears would come true.
Well i guess some of them came true already.
Anyway to you all, I really need to talk to you all.
No matter how weird you all think i am.
I really need to tell you all everything.
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